Saturday, September 22, 2007

Nanny nyanyuk

since my grandpa passed away 7 years ago, our house is occupied by another elderly.

1+1= 2

imagine living with both your grannies.
i can bet your life will be totally different.
literally everything that you do are limited, from the hours you spend out of the house until every single thing that you do will be critised and commented.

before this we were pampered to love and care for one another. until now, we still have a little sense of love to our grannies but to tell you the truth it is just not the same a years before. back in the old days, you only visit your grandma once a while during celebrations or any kind of gathering conducted by the family. once they live with you 24-7 for close to 7 years, things change. it is true that once you start living with a person then you will realize their true colours.

now what we are seeing is not a beautiful rainbow, but a big pool of mud; black and greyish!

at first, we didn't mind. we would simply take things lightly and forget about all the things said, but what crawls beneath our skin is the years of nagging, spreading irrelevant stories and the worst thing of all is backstabbing.

after all these years, we have sacrificed most of our time taking care of you, and yet you tell people that we are not there for you? we don't want you? all i wanted to ask is "what the hell is wrong with you?"
i get frustrated and offended easily. if my dad did not advice me i would have exploded right in front of her face. my dad says that it is our responsibility to take care of them. yeah, rite. if the 'our' really refers to everyone, it's okay. but i think it only refers to my mum+ i . no one else isn't chipping in. in the end, the victims are the both of us. all the creative created negative stories that were spread were basically narrative stories featuring my mom and i.

i may sound mad, but i'm not as mad as before. i'm not blaming my father or anyone in my small family. i put the blame on my grandma. particularly the one creating all the chaos in the house. i think nowis time for me to have a say in the family. since she hates us so much until she backstabs us, why don't she just leave and live with my uncle or other aunties?WHY? let me answer the q , it is because none of them wants to take care of her. they don't even come and visit her although it's only a 30 minutes drive. she can't even differentiate between who loves her and loves her NOT!

maybe coz she's senile makes her lose her abilities to differentiate. actually, she's not senile. she remembers and pretends to forget. when we confront or interrogate her, at first she tries her best to defend herself. when things a heading to a fall until she has no more points to create out of her head. all she says is "oh, i forgot" i'm so senile! after that automatically everything is at a halt!

that's her senile syndrome.
i won't take that as an excuse.
an excuse of escapism
escaping from the truth
that only GOD knows
and will be judged
later on in life.

Friday, September 14, 2007


when u are angry at someone.the first victim that's gonna get the blow isn't that person that you're paticularly angry with. but, it turns out to be the first person you encounter with.


bcoz it seems like all the angst and frustration is let out to the person in the most frustating sound of (whatever you're feeling) and this poor innocent person has to listen to it all..

after letting it all go. then you start realizing that you're not supposed to spill it out totally to that person. you've got to leave some angst for that person


then when time permits for you to explode to the actual person that you're angry with, everything becomes calm and cool again. it's simply because the frustration does not feel as frustrated as before.

time heals but the next person will suffer.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

103 and still counting

been busy as a bee lately.

i've actually 103 e-mail msgs that i haven't read but the msgs have been lying in my inbox for ages. the last was dated 7 months ago.

the e-mail includes of forwarded msgs my friends sent to me. daily, i'll just sign in to my account and check the e-mail with the subject that sounds serious and to be honest i rarely open forwarded msgs. i'll only click on the link if i've time.. time after that is totally spent to do work!work! work sometimes is sooo sooo stressful (omg, new tongue twister)

with 103 to go, now i have read half of them, 58 to go~will try to finish the rest tomorrow (if i've time)

i wish